I am a writer.
It took me years to admit this to myself partly because I am afraid of what being a writer entails. A lot of people don’t want to be writers under the assumption that it means a life of poverty. But the idea of being a part of a career where you are constantly alone with only a notebook, pencil, pen, erasure and computer? Sounds perfect to me!
I’ve talked enough about the constant struggles I’ve faced as an introvert. As another example, I am excited and nervous about my upcoming residency, my first thought being “yay I get to see all of my friends again!” Then, “I have to lead a small group discussion where I have to talk first and actually direct the conversation.” Already my eyes lids are drooping just thinking about how exhausting that sounds.
But I’m so much more than just an introvert. I’m an African American woman who happens to be a writer. I’m proud of my work and hope to one day share it with the world. I want my stories to be appreciated by members outside of my race and culture, from different heritages and backgrounds. I also hope to break the stereotype that every African American has to come with a sob story in their bio. I’m fortunate enough to have lived a very privileged life filled with opportunity not because of anything I’ve done but because of what my PARENTS have done. My Dad is the most brilliant man when it comes to money and success, especially looking into his childhood. His parents took a more lackadaisical approach when it came to school. College was a choice and they were left to their own devices. If my father had the options, I’m pretty sure he would have gotten his PhD but then he might not be my father so I’m happy how things turned out.
On the other side (my father from Massachusetts and my mother from Mississippi) my mother’s mother enforced the fact that college was NOT a choice partly because she wanted the house for herself and not have all of her eleven children coming home any time soon. My grandmother made sure that each of her children knew that when you leave high school you are going to college and then you are out of her house (except her baby boy). My mother and her siblings did not have a lot of money to work with yet my mother, with her driven self, managed to not only earn her bachelor’s degree but her master’s as well. Yay Mom!
So when people ask me if I’ve had a hard life or try to pity me when they see me in person after I’ve told them my name, I’m happy to inform them that my parents are responsible for supporting me and providing me with all the opportunities in the world.
I am a nerd. I love me some Batman but my favorites are Rorschach, Deadpool, Harley Quinn and The Question. So happy that Black Panther is getting a cameo in the upcoming Captain America film AND his own movie.
And I think Superman’s character trope is outdated.
I’m a history nerd. I love the Revolutionary War but wouldn’t want to write about it. I find Holocaust fiction heartbreaking and find myself on the verge of tears every time I read it which is why I don’t write it. I’m also getting into Graphic Novel Memoirs and Historical Novels because I love Graphic Novels. I don’t buy comic books because I’m afraid they will slowly suck away all my time and money. I’ve banned myself from playing Dragon Age or Mass Effect so I can focus on school and not get sucked in. Catherine is my favorite puzzle game but I’m continuing my several year hiatus from it because I’m disappointed with the ending I got (and I can’t afford to get sucked back in with all the work I’ve got to do).
Mountain Dew is my favorite soda and Ruby Red is my favorite juice. I try to drink two bottles of water a day to help with my health when really, I should be exercising more. I love watching anime but, like I said, can’t afford to get sucked in. Same reason why I don’t have a netflix or hulu account.
I’m trying to be a responsible human being!
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. People say I’m good at making collages for Instagram (I made the Toni Morrison quote image at the beginning of this quote) so I guess something in social media would be cool. Maybe I want to be an editor or in publicity, it changes every day.
I love writing even though, right now, I’m in a writers slump.
Cabbage is my favorite vegetable.
I don’t like cornbread.
My taste buds are weird but I blame that on being a mixture of North and South but not really fitting in with either.
Big Cities fluster me. Flat lands bore me. Would love to live in a small town with a bunch of little shops that is 30 minutes away from the city.
Or hoping I’ll live outside of DC.
But I’ll probably end up in New York.
I have dreams and ambitions. I enjoy going to writers’ conferences and hope to present at a couple some day. At least I’ll be able to practice a couple of times before standing in front of everyone, listening to myself talk.
I hate the sound of my voice.
I love the color of my skin.
I wish my hair would curl more on its own and not grow out like my father’s does….used to.
I hate the smell of coffee and peanut butter but I love the smell of warm vanilla sugar.
I hate being lectured by adults who don’t want to listen to my opinion because, either way, I’m younger then them.
Most of the time they think I’m twelve. I wish I was taller. I love hearing them sigh when i walk away in the middle of the conversation.
I make jokes when I’m nervous and most of the time people laugh. I can’t tell if they are laughing at me or….well during those moments I’m not laughing. Just smiling awkwardly so hopefully they are laughing at what I’m saying.
I like being me. I’m excited to become the me who is living on her own. I wish I could glimpse into the future to see if I get married and have kids or not.
I want to know if I’m okay with that.
I want to know if I continue writing. If what I’m doing now is preparing me for my future. I know that when I call myself a writer I get this ridiculous smile on my face. I wake up every morning and tell myself that I am a writer, that my mentors call me a writer and that one day I’ll finish the novel I’m working on now.
Because I am a writer.
This post is in response to the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.