I am an introvert which already makes any social situation difficult for me to overcome. Growing older you’d think I’d become wiser and prepare myself ahead of time to avoid such situations where I just put myself in an endless cyclone of awkward situations right? I thought so too. I stand in the mirror and practice what I’m going to say before meeting with an author. How I’ll ask them to sign my book and maybe any questions I might have if I feel so moved to keep talking. Writing things down so I’m not so much as making conversation but reading my thoughts. All this preparation and what happens?I loose my ability to speak. Every time. This past residency at my MFA program was filled with awkward moments. The first one taking place in an elevator. Already I’m in a tight space but at least I’m alone, until the founder of the MFA program stepped inside. She’s very kind and gives off a heartwarming aura which means she’s bound to say something before either of reaches our floor. She asks me how I’m enjoying the program. An easy enough question. How do I respond? I made a noise that sounded something between a burp, a moan and a growl. Yep, that’s how I’m enjoying the program. When I opened my mouth to try and give a human response rather than some guttural animal noise, the doors opened and she wished me luck. Face palm. Unfortunately, she also saw me do that and did the polite, lighthearted laugh as she walked down the hall. Probably should have waited for the elevator doors to close. I don’t know why I can’t pull it together when it comes to meeting authors. Asking them to sign a copy of their book for me should be easy enough? Yet, without a doubt I do something or say something to draw a laugh or make them glance to the side. The worst incident happened during this same residency after getting over the emotional shock that I managed to make a completely normal situation awkward with the founder of the program. I enjoyed one author’s reading, his voice being one of those deep, slow, southern accents that just lulls me and makes every muscle in my body relax. Like Morgan Freeman but slower and add more of a southern twang. I had to buy one of his books and get him to sign it! But every time I tried to walk up to him, say something to him, I squeaked. When nervous or excited I am prone to squeaking so, as you can imagine, I could not let my first impression be that of a little black girl squeaking while holding a copy of the author’s book in front of him. I told my workshop leader my dilemma and she alerted me to the fact that he would be leaving in the next hour! So like the sane person I am, I stood in front of the room he was holding his workshop in, practicing what I was going to say. So yeah, I stood in the hallway talking to myself. He comes out and I grab his attention with an ever so confident “UM” followed by a graceful shoving of his book between us. He laughs and says that my workshop leader told him that I would come around asking for him to sign my book which makes me want to die. I’m incapable of asking for things by myself, conversations about my awkward behavior have been circulating through the faculty all leading to this moment. Then I squeaked. I tried to hold in but instead of saying “thank you” I squeaked. We parted awkwardly. I kicked the ground and tripped awkwardly. And I sighed because I’m so awkward! Then last week I was having a phone call with my current mentor and told her that I managed to get said author to sign one of his books for me. She laughed and said she heard about that situation and I died. Fell onto my living room floor and drowned in my own embarrassment. Awkward.
K.B. Carle
K.B. Carle lives and writes outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and earned her MFA from Spalding University’s Low-Residency program in Kentucky. Her stories have appeared in 7x7, CRAFT Literary, Rhythm and Bones Press, CHEAP POP, Jellyfish Review, Milk Candy Review, and have been nominated for Best of the Net, Best Small Fictions, and the Pushcart Prize. She can be found online at http://kbcarle.com or on Twitter @kbcarle.
April 1, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Great post!! I think we’ve all experienced those awkward moments and then spend hours thinking of what we should have done and said. But we live and learn (hopefully). Have a lovely weekend.
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April 1, 2016 at 4:07 pm
Kellie! I just love this. I’m a bit awkward and introverted too. And, I’m a bit pigeon-toed and when I’m tired–watch out! I will trip over my own shadow. If it’s any consolation, you’re an extremely gifted and graceful writer. I’m so very glad I came across you among the hoi polloi.
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April 2, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Thank you!!! I really appreciate it but the reason why I’m probably a graceful writer is because I don’t have to verbally communicate my thoughts haha
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April 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm
Oh yeah. I am an INFP personality and how awkward some situations get I can totally relate while reading. Anything but small talks for me pls
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April 2, 2016 at 1:00 pm
ISTJ personality!!!! Sometimes I can handle small talk but most of the time I prefer to be alone especially when it comes to getting a job done. Situations can get super awkward if I have a deadline approaching and you are the one thing either delaying my work or threatening to ruin my project because I will bulldoze over you. Really difficult to express my frustrations with someone as an introvert in comparison with my need to make every deadline given to me.
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April 1, 2016 at 3:05 pm
Awkward! Everyone has gone through such things once in their life time. But be confident okay?
B – The Eye of the Beholder
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April 2, 2016 at 1:02 pm
Thanks! I’ll try 🙂
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April 1, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Really enjoyed this. I’m an extroverted-introvert (almost 50/50), so I feel your pain. Just keep trying. Only way to get over it. Looking forward to reading more.
Stuart
https://stuartnager.wordpress.com/
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April 1, 2016 at 3:52 pm
I love this post so much, and I can relate to it so very much. An author was signing a book for me once and asked how I spelled my name, and I COULDN’T REMEMBER.
Also, I’m an author, and I have to practice what I’m going to say or do at a book signing event because I inevitably make people think I’m some kind of feral creature who just came down from the cave in which she lives. Oh, and by the way, the first book I ever signed, I spelled my name wrong. Now that’s awkward. 🙂
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April 2, 2016 at 1:04 pm
I’ve had that problem too! Not only do I forget how to spell my name at times, I also completely forget my own birthday X.x Hopefully I can avoid spelling my name wrong if I ever publish a book, my pen name being initials and my last name though no doubt I will find some way to mess up the spelling of Carle or just completely forget to sign my name in the book and hand it back to the person haha
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April 2, 2016 at 2:17 am
I feel your pain on this. I often have to pump myself up when I have to interact with people I don’t know very well. I can get through the first few sentences of conversation, but after that I can never manage to come up with any topics quick enough. It just ends up being me smiling and nodding until they eventually give up and walk away.
Kie from Metamorphosis 3.0
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April 2, 2016 at 6:27 am
I’m an introvert too and can relate to any awkward situations. 🙂
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